4.19.2009

Soulmates, Love, and Lust

Another late blog. Drafted since February 28.

Why is the idea of a soul mate so appealing to us? Is it because we are always searching for that special someone that is everything we want? Is it because we are indeed only half of a soul and we need our other half to be harmonized and peaceful? Personally, I don’t think soul mates exist and that could just be my own pessimism and Aristophanes argument in Plato’s Symposium does make sense as a metaphor. Who wouldn’t want to believe that we were all once connected as a tally and rolled around doing cartwheels? Heck, I would just like to be able to do a cartwheel, screw being connected to my other half. =P

I’ve never believed in the idea of love at first sight because I believe that you have to know a person before you can love them. I believe love is based on trust and honesty and you don’t have either unless you’ve gotten to know that person. I’d like to think that the people on this planet are all honest and trustworthy, but in reality, can anyone really be that na├»ve? You can watch the news every day and see all the hate and destruction that people wreak. Is it possible to trust someone that has not earned it? Or would you trust someone until they did something to lose your trust?

I think when I was younger, I trusted everyone until they proved untrustworthy, but now that I’m older, I tend to not trust most people and wait until my trust is earned. Is that fair? Is it right? I don’t know. I remember having my cousin Nicole stay with us for a good month one summer. I think I was around 10 years old and she was 11 or 12. It was the month of August and I had just had my birthday and gotten tons of presents from my parents. Nice presents. Nicole and I had a lot of fun together hanging out with all the neighborhood kids and I trusted her. We seemed to be good friends. After two or three weeks, just a little while before she was supposed to go home, I was looking for one of my birthday presents. I looked high and low and got my parents in on the search, but we couldn’t find it. One day, my father took Nicole and I on a walk to 7eleven to get a slurpee (which are amazing, by the way). My mother was sorting things in our guest room where Nicole was staying and noticed her bag open. Laying on top of all her stuff was my present and a bunch of other things. Nicole was apparently a collectomaniac. She’d stored away a bunch of my knickknacks and most of my birthday presents. Not to mention a few things of my parents including my father’s NAVY class ring. Nicole was confronted and her parents were called and she was punished. I think. After that episode, I didn’t trust her much. I couldn’t understand what was going through her mind when she was loading all that stuff up into her suitcase. Had she been lying to me the entire time about everything? I think that is when I stopped trusting people automatically and started waiting for them to prove themselves honest.

Now that I’m almost 20 years old, I see everyone as the same. Instead of trusting someone outright, I view them with indifference. I neither trust them or distrust them, but wait until they do something before I categorize them.

I’ve had plenty of relationships and I’ve dealt with each in the same way. Only two had my complete trust. The others were fun, but unstable. I could never pinpoint what was going on in their heads or what they were going to do next. One such person--we’ll name him Kody--I have dated quite a few times off and on for the past few years. He can be sweet, thoughtful, and fun; but he can also be selfish and an asshole. As of now, I think I have him almost figured out. He uses his ability to be sweet, thoughtful, and fun while he’s being selfish. Just a while ago, actually, he came crawling back for the 5th or 6th time wanting to make something work. He used all kinds of arguments and sweet words but I called him on his BS and he finally caved and admitted to it. We’re still friends but he’s fallen into the untrustworthy category. The only thing I can trust in him is his ability to lie to get what he wants.

The two that did have my trust--we’ll name them Joe and Matt--were wonderful and I did love them. Whatever that means. They gained my trust and our friendship grew. Things happened between us, but they still have some of my trust. I don’t talk to them often, but when I do, the conversations are usually more substantial than general “How’s the weather?” I don’t think any of them are my soul mates, but I do think that the relationship I had with them may be close to what a soul mate relationship is supposed to be and that is one that is based upon trust, friendship, honesty, and caring with a little attraction on the side instead of one based entirely upon lust.

While I don’t believe in love at first sight, I definitely believe in lust at first sight. You can see this portrayed in movies, books, and in real life. Who hasn’t had that guy next to you say, “Damn, she’s hot”? Lust can definitely lead to a relationship of love, but only because lust pushes us to introduce ourselves and make a friendship. After the friendship is made, trust and caring ensue and love can be formed.

But I guess the entire process can never really be turned into an exact formula because love is a tricky topic and there are those random cases where two people fall just about instantly in love. Must be nice, eh?

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